Lessons in Chemistry via Hetalia
by Number One Fan of Journey
Summary: What? Hetalia doesn't teach any history? Fine. Let's learn chemistry with it, then. Lesson 2: factors affecting the entropy of a substance, featuring a determinate amount of the compound AlLiEs. WARNING: This is completely absurd. You probably shouldn't read it. Rated for alcohol use
1. Replacement Reaction

**Lesson 1: the mechanics of a simple replacement reaction, with reactants AusHun and Pru yielding PruHun and Aus. **

* * *

In the collision theory of chemistry, two reactants can only affect each other if they collide.

* * *

It was a Sunday afternoon. The soft yellow rays of the sun slid through the window to illuminate every surface of the room. The lustre of the piano shone black, while smaller chips of light bounced off a baroque tea set on a nearby table. Peaceful tones, perfectly sounded, flowed from the piano's heart as the ivories danced under the influence of a focused young man in prim dress. Behind him, relaxed hands clasped in front of her, stood his wife, her eyes closed as she swayed gently to the beat.

The front door slammed open, and a blur of a young man hurtled into the young woman, knocking the both of them out the window.

The pianist cut off his melody and turned towards the ruckus just in time to see Prussia and Hungary getting married.

* * *

It should be noted that collision theory is not effective at forming bonds in most macroscopic real-life situations. For the health of all those involved, it is advised no one attempt to find the exceptions. The entire concept is really quite absurd, but, for the purposes of this lesson, it will be taken as if it applied to real life.

While collisions are necessary for chemical reactions, not every collision of reactants results in products. This is clarified by the Arrhenius equation:

k = A*e^(-Ea/R*T)

The more k increases, the more collisions are effective. e (a fancy irrational number that people dislike truncating) and R are constants that will not explored in this lesson.

The simplest of the variables here affecting k is T, the temperature. A higher T leads to a higher k and thus more effective collisions.

* * *

It was a Sunday afternoon. The sun cast blinding arrays of light on every surface in the room, including the sweaty foreheads of its occupants. A young man and his wife lay collapsed in the frail shadows of the piano and tea table. Neither stirred more than necessary for breathing. Curtains drifted for a moment in the stifling breeze before catching fire.

The front door creaked open, and another young man hurried into the room. Panting heavily and pouring buckets of sweat, he stumbled into the room fast as his shaking legs could take him and collapsed on the young woman. Fumbling with his pocket, he seized her limp hand, tugged off her wedding ring, and forced his own onto her finger.

Prussia cried out in victory before passing out from heatstroke.

* * *

In chemical reactions, temperature actually increases the movement of particles, but no metaphor is perfect.

The A variable of the equation is called the orientation factor. All reactants involved in a collision must be correctly oriented to react with each other.

* * *

It was a Sunday afternoon. The soft yellow rays of the sun slid through the window to illuminate every surface of the room. The lustre of the piano shone black, while smaller chips of light bounced off a baroque tea set on a nearby table. Peaceful tones, perfectly sounded, flowed from the piano's heart as the ivories danced under the influence of a focused young man in prim dress. Behind him, relaxed hands clasped in front of her, stood his wife, her eyes closed as she swayed gently to the beat.

The front door slammed open, and the music cut off with a haphazard crash as a blur of a young man hurtled into the pianist, knocking the both of them out the window.

They tumbled onto the wedding stage outside, scrambling away from each other and to their feet. The priest, standing just to the side, looked at them and hesitated.

Austria, furiously straightening his collar, prepared to snap at Prussia for the utterly irrational act before he noticed the surroundings. With a tight frown, he turned back to Prussia and said:

"I had been under the impression that you were straight."

Prussia took a few steps back. "Kinda thought you were straight, too."

"This seems like rather poor planning on your part, then."

"I'm starting to get that impression."

"_I'll_ give you an impression!" roared Hungary, who had made it directly behind Prussia.

Face freezing before it could show utter terror, Prussia turned towards her just in time to see the frying pan connect with his face.

Austria, the priest, and the guests drifted slowly away as blood bespattered the wedding stage.

* * *

Reactants colliding with an incorrect orientation will not react; however, the proper parts of each reactant hitting each other does not guarantee the formation of product. Ea (activation energy) also comes into play. For a reaction to occur, the reactants must collide with a high enough amount of energy.

* * *

It was a Sunday afternoon. The soft yellow rays of the sun slid through the window to illuminate every surface of the room. The lustre of the piano shone black, while smaller chips of light bounced off a baroque tea set on a nearby table. Peaceful tones, perfectly sounded, flowed from the piano's heart as the ivories danced under the influence of a focused young man in prim dress. Behind him, relaxed hands clasped in front of her, stood his wife, her eyes closed as she swayed gently to the beat.

The door slammed open, and a young man staggered into the room, hiccuping. The perturbed pianist stopped playing, while his wife frowned, looking over at the newcomer.

"Say, Hungary," Prussia slurred, coming to a stop next to the young woman, "we should get married. I bought a priest and everything." He attempted to push her towards the window.

A few moments later, he was unconscious, with the promise of something worse than a hangover ailing his head when he awoke.

* * *

Lower Ea leads to a higher k. When the Ea is low (something achievable by the addition of a catalyst), colliding particles do not have to have quite so much energy to react.

* * *

It was a Sunday afternoon. The soft yellow rays of the sun slid through the window to illuminate every surface of the room. The lustre of the piano shone black, while smaller chips of light bounced off a baroque tea set on a nearby table. Peaceful tones, perfectly sounded, flowed from the piano's heart as the ivories danced under the influence of a focused young man in prim dress. Behind him, relaxed hands clasped in front of her, stood his wife, her eyes closed as she swayed gently to the beat.

The door slammed open, and a young man hurried inside, hefty box under one arm. The perturbed pianist stopped playing, while his wife frowned, looking over at the newcomer.

"Sorry if I'm interrupting anything," Prussia said, walking in a bit farther and setting the box against the wall. "Just thought I'd get these nice and refrigerated before the party here tonight."

Austria frowned. "I don't believe I was planning to throw a party here tonight."

Many hours of convincing later, the three were partying. An hour after that, Austria was slumped over the piano bench in a drunken stupor, while a very red-faced Hungary was giggling at absolutely everything Prussia did or did not say.

"Say, Hungary," Prussia slurred, "we should get married. I bought a priest and everything." He attempted to push her towards the window.

Giggling madly, she staggered to her feet and let him lead her to the wedding stage.

* * *

In uncatalysed reactions, however, it is exceedingly rare for any two colliding particles to have enough energy to react.

* * *

It was a Sunday afternoon. The soft yellow rays of the sun slid through the window to illuminate every surface of the room. The lustre of the piano shone black, while smaller chips of light bounced off a baroque tea set on a nearby table. Peaceful tones, perfectly sounded, flowed from the piano's heart as the ivories danced under the influence of a focused young man in prim dress. Behind him, relaxed hands clasped in front of her, stood his wife, her eyes closed as she swayed gently to the beat.

The front door slammed open, and a blur of a young man hurtled into the young woman. Barely able to defend herself, she kept him at arm's length as they went tumbling onto the carpet.

Prussia came to a stop as the back of his head hit a piano leg. Groaning, he sat up, disentangling himself from Hungary.

She did the same, though with less groaning and more frying-pan-swinging.

* * *

Additionally considering the temperature and orientation factor, it should be no surprise that very, very few collisions result in a successful reaction.

* * *

It was a Sunday afternoon. The soft yellow rays of the sun slid through the window to illuminate every surface of the room. The lustre of the piano shone black, while smaller chips of light bounced off a baroque tea set on a nearby table. Peaceful tones, perfectly sounded, flowed from the piano's heart as the ivories danced under the influence of a focused young man in prim dress. Behind him, relaxed hands clasped in front of her, stood his wife, her eyes closed as she swayed gently to the beat.

The front door slammed open, and a blur of a young man hurtled into the room, knocking both the pianist and his wife to the carpet. The three hadn't entirely separated themselves before Hungary set upon Prussia with the frying pan.

* * *

Even at the rate of one successful collision for millions upon millions of unsuccessful ones, reactions do happen. Thankfully (for the Pru cation, at least) more than one set of reactants is whizzing about trying to collide with each other. The chances of success may be all but impossible, but with enough collisions the reaction will happen.

Keep at it, Prussia.

* * *

**A/N:** So there we are. Inspiration struck for this, so I executed it.

I can't say there will be any more of these. It's terrible to write things about chemistry without any superscripts, subscripts, or arrows. Also, this was the only idea I had. So I'll mark this Complete for now and perhaps come back to it if I ever feel the need to write another one of these.

In the case that this piece of fiction hasn't entirely broken your mind, feel free to review.


	2. Heating and Mixture of Substances

**Lesson 2: factors affecting the entropy of a substance, featuring a determinate amount of the compound AlLiEs.**

* * *

The entropy of a chemical substance is a measurement of the substance's randomness or chaos. Used in thermodynamic chemistry calculations (which, thankfully for the instructor if no one else, will not be the focus of this lesson), its symbol is _S_.

The state in which _S_ = 0 is when the substance is a perfect or pure crystal at absolute zero (zero degrees Kelvin, or −273.15 degrees Celsius). This is the least random a substance can be—no motion, no different way to arrange the elements involved.

* * *

In the meeting room, all was silent. America, England, France, Russia, and China were all present, yet they were neither fighting nor arguing. For that matter they did little talking at all. And little breathing.

Of the five chairs arranged 72 degrees apart from each other along the circular table, all were occupied by a single nation. Of the five nations, all were surrounded by solid blocks of ice.

As usual, little progress was being made in their meeting; however, this time, Russia would give General Winter a stern talking-to if he was ever allowed to thaw.

* * *

Since entropy is at its lowest at the coldest temperature possible, it should be a logical next step to assume that entropy increases with increasing temperature. This is a correct assumption. As the temperature of a perfect crystal moves away from absolute zero, the atoms (or molecules, or formula units—whatever composes the compound) are allowed to vibrate, increasing the overall disorder of the solid.

* * *

In the meeting room, all was silent. America, England, France, Russia, and China were all present, yet they were neither fighting nor arguing. For that matter they did little talking at all.

Of the five chairs arranged 72 degrees apart from each other along the circular table, none were occupied by the nations present. As it were, all five of them were huddled quite stiffly at one side of the room. In a condensed circle, they shivered uncontrollably despite their effort to conserve body heat.

"This," England managed to get out between madly chattering teeth, "is why we do not hold meetings in Siberia."

* * *

While any temperature change affects the entropy of a substance, this effect is comparatively small while the substance remains in a single phase. Leaps in entropy are made around phase shifts. For example, when a solid melts into a liquid, the atoms in the substance are much more free to move about their container.

* * *

In the meeting room, America, England, France, Russia, and China were all present. All was not silent.

"Thus," America said, slamming his hands on the circular table enough to make it quiver, "the one workable solution to the obesity epidemic is to remove the word 'obesity' from the dictionary. And while we're at it, me might as well fix all of England's dictionaries so they spell things right."

"'Correctly'," England responded immediately before properly analysing what America had just said. To England's credit, he was slightly distracted by France's attempts to stop the gentleman from choking him. This action was, of course, proper retribution for France's earlier comment regarding something England could no longer recall but was most likely grossly inappropriate.

Ducking out of the way as France and England knocked over a chair, Russia raised his hand. "I don't that's going to work very well. Even if we get rid of the term, the problem will still be there, da?"

America smacked his lips. "Yeah, you're gonna be fat no matter what, I guess. Luckily you don't matter, because you're not American." He waved a hand. "And because you're a jerk, but that's not the deciding factor."

Russia pondered this for a moment before wandering in America's direction and, smiling, leaning so their eyes were on the same level.

America blinked. " 'Sup?"

America ducked under the sudden appearance of a pickaxe.

China, deciding the obesity epidemic could go jump off a cliff, started on the snacks he had brought with him.

* * *

While the liquid phase of a substance has a much higher randomness than the solid phase, even this increase in entropy is small compared to that of a liquid evaporating into a gas. In this phase, the atoms have no definite shape or volume, and the greater temperature has the atoms moving every which way much faster. Any increase in the amount of gas corresponds to a large increase in entropy.

* * *

In the meeting room, America, England, France, Russia, and China were all present. All was not silent.

"Thus," America said, slamming one hand on the circular table while the other loosened his tie, "the one workable solution to the obesity epidemic is to remove the word 'obesity' from the dictionary. And while we're at it, me might as well fix all of England's dictionaries so they spell things right."

England, in somewhat of a daze and wondering if the tea before him was actually boiling, couldn't piece the words together well enough to point out errors.

After a while of getting no response from the others but them fanning themselves, America slammed his hand on the table again. China watched him idly, but no one had any reply.

"Come on, somebody admit how much of a genius I am," the American prompted, taking off his necktie altogether.

China groaned, leaning back in his chair. "It's too hot for a meeting, aru," said he, pushing sweaty bangs out of his face.

"I concur," France said, removing his shirt to toss it carelessly on the table.

England drew back. "Oi! This is a meeting room, not a stripping joint!"

A moment later, France's wadded-up trousers smacked into England's face. The gentleman cleared his throat, then leapt onto the table to slam his boot into France's laughing head.

"Dude!" America started as the old rivals proceeded to throttle and swear at each other. "Clothes fight!" Grabbing his bomber jacket off his chair, America flung it at Russia. As the impact took Russia out of chair, America laughed and threw his necktie at China, who ducked with a yelp and retaliated by throwing his armband. America dodged, just in time to stumble into the sweaty glove Russia had thrown at him.

As extraneous articles flew about above them, France and England continued their private battle.

"Come now, England," the older said, having ducked out of the next intended throttle. "You're just being insensibly prudish. Do you really think you look better in that sweat-soaked shirt than you would otherwise?"

England shoved him back against the table, sending the furniture skidding for a moment. "Oh, so any behaviour markedly less perverted than yours is 'insensible'?"

At that point, America's glove smacked into France's forehead. The blonde looked over at the perpetrator. "Oh, you'll pay for that!" Then he grinned at England. "Although seeing as I have only one piece of ammunition left..."

"Don't you bloody _dare_, frog!" England yanked him back off the table, sending him tumbling to the ground. Then he had to duck as Russia's coat flew overhead at America. Knocked back a bit, America retaliated by throwing his overshirt; however, the carefully-wadded article unfurled a bit too early and fell to the table, where it managed to swipe England's third-favourite teacup off the table and crashing to the floor.

America laughed weakly as England slowly turned towards him.

"You will die." With that, England leapt completely over the table, tackling America and proceeding to strangle him, as jackets, gloves, and shirts continued to fly everywhere.

* * *

It should be noted that the increases in entropy are not, per se, due to temperature. They are due to the increase in motion of the atoms involved; a substance is more random when any one atom could be in any one of more and more places.

With this in mind, the next way to increase entropy is by mixing two substances together, such as AlLiEs and AxIs. In this situation, not only could an atom of one substance be in any place within the system, but an atom of the other substance could also be in any place within the system. Thus, disorder increases.

* * *

In the meeting room, America, England, France, Russia, China, Italy, Germany, and Japan were all present. All was not silent.

"Thus," America said, slamming his hands on the circular table enough to make it quiver, "the one workable solution to the obesity epidemic is to remove the word 'obesity' from the dictionary. And while we're at it, me might as well fix all of England's dictionaries so they spell things right."

"'Correctly'," England responded immediately before properly analysing what America had just said. To England's credit, he was slightly distracted by France's attempts to stop the gentleman from choking him. This action was, of course, proper retribution for France's earlier comment regarding something England could no longer recall but was most likely grossly inappropriate.

Japan, meanwhile, quietly agreed with America's suggestion as he sketched ideas for friendly robotic personal trainers.

Ducking out of the way as France and England knocked over a chair, Russia raised his hand. "I don't that's going to work very well. Even if we get rid of the term, the problem will still be there, da?"

America smacked his lips. "Yeah, you're gonna be fat no matter what, I guess. Luckily you don't matter, because you're not American."

"What on earth does that have to do with anything?" Germany responded, frowning, as Russia stood from his seat.

America looked offended. "Well, that has to do with everything!"

Germany opened his mouth to say otherwise but was interrupted by England ramming France into the table hard enough to shift the furniture. This, in turn, sent a careful stack of papers into disarray. With a sound somewhat like a squawk, Germany scrambled to right them while yelling at France and England to break it up.

Italy, upon observing the array of papers, decided a certain one near the middle appealed to him, so he swiped it and proceeded to fold it into a square.

"Germany," he hummed, "what should I make out of this?"

"Nothing!" Germany reached for the paper, eye on his incomplete stack. "Give it—"

"Japan!" Stepping away just in time to avoid Germany's grabbing hand, Italy scurried to Japan. "What should I make out of this? No, wait! I'll get another one, and we can both make things!"

"No, you won't!" Germany snapped.

By this point, Russia had wandered in America's direction and, smiling, leant so their eyes were on the same level.

America blinked. " 'Sup?"

America ducked under the sudden appearance of a pickaxe.

China, deciding the obesity epidemic could go jump off a cliff, started on the snacks he had brought with him.

"Ooh, is that pasta?" Italy immediately responded, forsaking his half-folded paper to run to China.

"No," China scoffed. "It's chǎomiàn."

Italy glanced at a clock to find he had indeed not eaten in over an hour. "Can I try some, anyway?"

"'May I'," England got out as he worked to pry France's fingers away from his throat.

"Wait, there's food?" America started, jumping over Russia's next pickaxe swing. "I'm in! Just lemme finish this fight." Driving an elbow into Russia's stomach, he stepped to the side at about the same time France and England, both throttling each other, staggered towards them. The result was all four of them stumbling into the table, knocking it over. This, in turn, sent Germany's papers, Japan's sketches, Italy's half-finished crane, England's tea, and China's noodles crashing to the ground.

At this point China gave out a cry and leapt to punish those involved, while Italy cried over the spilt noodles and Japan scurried to pick some things up before they could leave a stain.

Germany sat in the last upright chair, doing his very best not to kill everyone in the room.

* * *

While mixtures have more entropy than pure substances, this effect is not limited to any phase. Solids dissolved in liquids, liquids mixed with liquids, and solids mixed with solids are all more chaotic than any pure substance. Of course, temperature and phase still affect mixtures; the greatest amount of entropy in common chemistry, then, occurs in a heated gaseous mixture.

* * *

The evening janitor took one look at the broken furniture, random piles of sweaty clothing—including a pair of boxers—and broken cups and bowls scattered in the meeting room before he turned right back round and walked off.

* * *

**A/N:** So it seems that I have written more of this fiction. I make no promises as to whether that trend will continue.

Review?


End file.
